If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
