ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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