she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
