Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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