Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
