Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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