Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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