You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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