We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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