it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
