I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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