Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
