I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
