Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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