No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
