just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize