I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
sarcasm needs its own font
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
