Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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