you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
