I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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