Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
