What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
