Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
