This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
