Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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