Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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