Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
