Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
