I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
honey bunches of taint.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize