SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
