Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize