He had one of those small greek statue penises
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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