well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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