Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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