So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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