And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
