He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
