I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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