dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize