So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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