I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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