Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
