Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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