ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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