we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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