Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
