Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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