Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize