I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
