Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
