i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
