Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
