He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
