i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this hospital has no fireball
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
