There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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