it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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