I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Welp...herpes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
