wanna go halves on a baby?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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