my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
