Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
