The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
