What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
