mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
50% drunk capacity currently
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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