Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
