just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
