but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
