If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
