Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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